Sunday, February 7, 2010

Striving for Imperfection

If you know me at all, you probably know that I am a perfectionist.  I don't wash my hands 5 times with 5 different soaps every 5 minutes of the day {usually *grin*}, but I do like to be very organized...a proper place for every item in my house...a checklist for making checklists {okay, so maybe not that much of a perfectionist} get the picture.

I've noticed that with each child I have, and each year that passes with those children, that I'm losing more and more of my perfectionism...not necessarily because I want to...mostly because I don't have the time to BE a perfectionist anymore.  But even with losing {some} of my perfectionism over the past three years, I cannot deny that at the close of a day, I often find myself frustrated because the day is done, but the sink that I just shined is full of new dirty dishes, the laundry that I just put away neatly in the proper closets and drawers are now magically found in the dirty clothes hamper, and the house, though I have made every attempt to keep everything in its proper place, has somehow had an unannouced tornado hit.

Since I had Katie, I have been working to find that perfect balance in my to correctly, efficiently, and joyfully manage to keep a healthy {not spotless} house, cook meals, pay bills, attend the occasional playdate or storytime, discipline children, spend quality time reading to and playing with our children, homeschooling our children, exercising, and most importantly, spending quality time with my Savior each and every day.  I've been looking for the magic balance for three years now, and I feel often that I am no further along in my journey finding the proper solution than I was when I began.  Frustrating?  YES!  Disappointing?  Absolutely!!  Confusing?  More than ever.  Do you ever feel like that?

Well, I have put a lot of time {mostly driving time, since we've had several 6 hour drives lately} into thinking about this, and how to correct it.  And, you know...of all the things that I could come up with to change...all that comes to mind is "this time in your life with your little ones will soon be gone, you're gonna miss this!"  I'm tired of being selfish, telling the world "Woe is me!  Look at my crazy busy completely disasterous quick crock-pot very imperfect figure.  How do I make it perfect again??"  Instead, I'm ready to Strive for IMperfection!  You heard me right...a perfectionist, striving to be imperfect.  Spend more of my time in the floor making messes while teaching the children how to measure, paint, or anything else I may discover.  Spend more time showing Katie the joy of learning to read, instead of drilling the name and sound of ABC's in her head until she gets {almost} as frustrated at me.  Look at our home through different eyes, knowing that dirty dishes piled in the sink when I just finished emptying it means God has blessed us with all of the food and drinks we need...knowing that the toys that have found their way out of their perfect place into every other room of the house means that we have two beautiful children to always thank God for...knowing that every tired evening I endure means I have yet another wonderful day to praise God for giving to me! 

So, here I go...on my journey to strive for imperfection!  Anyone want to join me??