Friday, May 6, 2016

I'm not who you think I am.

I did NOT spend 5 minutes explaining to a friend why she really didn't have to "go" as badly as she thought...because she did NOT want to use the kids' {specifically, my son's, ahem} bathroom...since I had not had time to clean it prior leaving for school morning drop-off...and that I would have much rather shared MY bathroom with her, but my little miss was sleeping in my closet that was adjacent to the said bathroom...

Okay, so yeah...I totally DID!  And, the whole 45 seconds she was in their bathroom, I cringed thinking of what she may find!!  Did they leave globs of toothpaste all in the sink, on the counter, and on the floor?  {Please tell me HOW toothpaste ends up in so many places!!  I still don't understand that...}  Did my dear, sweet son remember to {ahem} clean up after his half-asleep, first-thing-in-the-morning fountain {or should I say gyser?!}??  Were there dirty clothes and towels strewn across the floor?  WHY hadn't I found time to at least GLANCE at the bathroom before we left that morning??  What are the odds that my unplanned visitor would need to use the restroom TODAY, of all days?!  She must think I'm such a lazy slob!  I am a stay-at-home-mom...what excuse could I possibly have for not having a clean bathroom...

Fast-forward several days, when I became that unplanned visitor to a sweet friend!  What immediately started pouring from her momma-guilt-laced-mouth than, {ugh! Overlook my laundry to be folded that's all over my couch...I didn't get a chance to take out the garbage...of course this would happen when I hadn't vaccuumed...} And, FOR THE RECORD, I totally didn't and WOULD NOT have noticed any of those said imperfections...her house looked immaculate compared to how I left mine as we rushed out the door this morning...

I use those two examples to remind myself and YOU that we aren't alone!!  And we aren't all that different from other moms.  Why is it that we feel that we are going to be judged on the cleanliness or perfection of our homes, our cars, our finances, our LIVES?!  Although I can't make a blanket statement that NO moms are looking to judge/compare/criticize, I can say that MOST aren't!  Most of them are just like me and you, and are just trying to find a way to balance this craziness called life...trying to take care of our responsibilities -- all of the many we all have -- while also trying to take care of ourselves on occassion, too.  

Earlier this week, I was reading a chapter in Hope Unfolding by Becky Thompson, where she touched on this same subject.  And, you know, until actually reading her describe it, I hadn't realized just HOW MUCH I am guilty of doing it!  It made me more aware of it in my own life an in the lives of those close friends I have.  

I can't help but think of how much easier it may be for us to THRIVE instead of SURVIVE this motherhood life if we weren't always so concerned about what we haven't but should've done...what others may be thinking {but 99% of the time would NEVER think} of us and our messy, lived in homes...and we spent more time embracing life as it truly IS, sharing it...ALL of it...with our mommy friends, with no fear of judgment or rejection, but understanding and encouragement.  Life isn't clean...easy...planned...organized.  What in the world makes us think our house/car/families should be?  

I don't know about you, but I am choosing to make a conscious effort to stop trying to "speed-clean" when I have a friend stopping by in an hour...to no longer cringe at the thought of unexpected visitors...to quit worrying about the "lived-in" look of my house...to stop trying to appear like I have it all together when really, I'm doing good to not fall apart.  I'm {hesitantly} removing my "mommy mask", so I can be honest about who I am, what life I have been blessed with, and just be ME.  And, maybe, just maybe, I'll find that I'm not alone...that there are other moms out there who would love to be honest, be real, be themselves, and no longer work themselves silly to maintain their own designed "masks" in life.  We can encourage each other...LIVE life together...and let God get the glory for our messy-beautiful-crazy-imperfect-blessed lives.  

Let's claim this Mother's Day weekend as the weekend we are finally free TO BE...who GOD made us to be...imperfections and all.